Follow Me.

Today I feel weird. Actually, for the past few weeks I've felt this way. And I think know that a lot of it  all of it has to do to with the fact that I'm waking up each morning and forgetting to whom I belong. I wonder why Jesus is allowing me to hurt. I get upset because things haven't turned out like I think they should have. I lie and tell myself that the things and the people of this world are important. That they matter. That they're what's going to fulfill me this very moment.

But they're not. And I know that. But sometimes knowing something in your head and really believing it in your heart are two different stories.

That's something else I've been struggling with lately - my mind telling me one thing, and my heart telling me another. It's confusing...really confusing. And scary. Scary that I've come to this place of not knowing the difference between what God's voice is telling me to do and what my own voice is trying to tell me is right. 

I just started reading a book called The Barbarian Way. This morning I was re-reading a chapter I glanced at a few days ago called "The Barbarian Call," but I think for the first time it hit me what the words were actually saying. Hit me as in they were pretty much a slap in the face.

It said this: "I wonder how many of us have lost our barbarian way and have become embittered with God, confused in our faith because God doesn't come through the way we think He should. Is it possible that the transforming  power of the church has been lost because we keep inviting people to step into the comfort, safety, and security of Jesus Christ? We've created a religious culture in which - even though we are the most blessed society on the history of the planet - our best-selling literature still focuses on how we can be more blessed. Maybe we need to step way back to the beginning of this movement. The original call of Jesus was so simple, so clean, so clear: 'Follow Me.' He wants us to surrender our lives to Him and follow Him into the unknown. And if it means a life of suffering, hardships, and disappointments, it will be worth it because following Jesus Christ is more powerful and more fulfilling than living with everything in the world minus Him. Have we forgotten this?"

I think, sadly, some days I do forget this. That I could have everything in this world, and it still wouldn't be enough without Jesus. And I forget that all He's asking us to do is simply follow. And If we do follow Him, everything else will fall into place. What a sweet, sweet gift.